Do you have values in your life that you would say are your absolute priority, until you are blue in the face. However, when you give yourself a hard, honest look, that is not how you are showing up at all? I have. How you show up in one area of your life is how you are showing up in all of them. If you are not living your values in all areas of your life, you are not fully showing up for yourself. Unless you are willing to fully show up for yourself, you will not propel yourself forward to accomplishing your goals.
Sometimes making changes is about really honest with yourself and be willing to acknowledge where you are not actually performing. It can be really uncomfortable. You could have been telling yourself a whole variety of stories as to why you were not doing what you said you wanted to be. The reality is, the only reason you are not, is because you are not making it a high enough priority.
It depends what you are working towards, it depends how much you truly deeply want it. The reality is though, majority of people talk a lot about what they want in their lives, about what would be good to have. They even often give other people advice on these areas. But they themselves are not following through with their own words.
I have a strong value that I will never take advice from someone who is not already doing what they are giving the advice on. You giving advice on health? What are your health habits on a daily basis? Giving financial advice? How are you managing your finances? Giving relationship advice? What is your relationship looking like? Unless you are working towards or have been through what you are talking about, you have no place telling people what they should be doing.
This is when discipline comes in. What you like to tell people they should be doing might actually be something that you want to be important to yourself. But you are not being honest enough with yourself to have a real look at the fact that you are not living by your own words. There are too many people talking on topics that they are not being responsible in themselves. There are too many people telling others what they should be doing with their lives in general.
So, how do you support someone without telling them what to do? You ask them questions, you ask them what is important to them, you ask them how they would like the situation to go. You ask them what they would like to focus on. Ask them what are they worried might happen if they follow through with what they are thinking. You be honest, that perhaps you are not the right person to be giving advice and you ask them if they know someone who has done what they are wanting to do?
More asking, less telling. Telling someone what to do with their life does not actually serve them. It disempowers them and can kill their confidence because they feel like they always need to go to someone else for advice. Deep down we know what actions we need to be taking, we are just hardly given the environment where we are supported to trust in own decisions because everyone else is giving in their two cents.
I see it all of the time with my clients. They have worked with other health providers who are consistently telling them what they should be doing. They are told what goals they should be working towards and what should be important to them. All I see this do to the client, is set them up to fail. The goals are not theirs, they are not excited to work towards them, therefore they rarely ever actually accomplish them. This then makes them feel useless and like they are just someone who has no self-control. Yet, when I work with them and get them to set their own goals and focus on what excites them, what is important to them. They are regularly accomplishing things and as the weeks go on their confidence skyrockets and they are ready to move towards the bigger goals they thought were impossible. All it takes is a lot less telling and a great deal more asking, and a desire to understand their point of view.
Where in your life are you not fully showing up for yourself? And where do you see yourself giving people advice on something you are not working towards yourself? It is often the area we are struggling to change the most that we are telling other people what to do with. This is because we are projecting our own insecurities onto others. So, how are you from now on, going to start showing up for yourself? Where are you going to stop telling and start doing yourself?
Other people’s lives are not our responsibility, everyone has the right to live as they wish, and it is not someone else’s job to come in and demand you be someone other then what you are. Instead of trying to shape everyone else to be something, bring the focus back to you and what you want to do with your life. If you want to see other people make positive changes, you start with yourself. Positive changes are contagious, you will see. You focus on yourself, bring in more awareness, more discipline and strive for your goals. You will see others be inspired by your actions and want to make some themselves. If you see people getting uncomfortable with your changes, this is simply because you are highlighting to them where they are not changing and it is triggering for them. All you need to do with these people is distance yourself and focus on those who are being supportive.
What can you take away from this week and start to implement into your life?