I have been noticing a common theme lately of people self-sabotaging themselves. Once you learn to recognise what this looks like, it is very interesting to observe what people do to stop themselves from succeeding. Do you know what signs to look for to know if you are of the self-sabotage train?
We have all done it at some point in our lives and we all do it for multiple reasons. Perhaps you do not actually want what you are working towards. If you find yourself regularly messing yourself up when working towards your goals, is it actually what you want? You might be working towards something and be very excited about the prospect. But when you need to do the work to get yourself forward, you just constantly procrastinate, using social media or Netflix to fill in your time instead. Ask yourself what aspects of what you are working towards do you not actually want and what can you do about them. Can you delegate? Can you shift your perspective? Can you put more focus and attention on the tasks you do really enjoy?
Not actually wanting something should not be confused with being fearful of what you are working towards or not knowing how to work towards something. I see a key difference in these. Being fearful of what you are working towards is something like, you do not know what it is going to look like and you are on the fence because you are telling yourself all of these stories in your head of what could go wrong. A simple example is when you are working towards moving out of home. You really want to be independent, you can see a lot of benefits to being out on your own. However, it is also terrifying, how will you pay the bills? How do you take care of the house? Will you be able to make it work? This sort of ambivalence is incredibly common and it just needs to be worked through. Breaking down each fear one at a time and asking how true it is, then finding a solution to take the pressure off.
Not knowing how to follow through with your goals can be mistaken by outside viewers as you not wanting to actually go for what you are talking about. The key difference is to pay attention to what your gut is telling you. Not that fearful voice you hear inside of you that gets louder and louder and starts to panic. That is your ego. Your instincts or your inner voice it is commonly referred to is much quieter and calmer. It remains calm and it just repeats the same things over and over hoping you will tune in enough to hear it. If you have that calm voice repeating to you that you do have what it takes to accomplish your goal, you just need to figure it out, then that is exactly what needs to happen.
Those that know what they want but do not know how to get it often spend a lot of time in limbo. They are so concerned that they will make the wrong move that they do not make any at all. Often seeking advice on the same topic over and over again yet not implementing anything. If this is you then what I encourage you to do is just start. Start anywhere, doing anything. Action creates clarity. Go with what feels like the next best step. You can take this in a couple of directions. You can either go with what feels easiest and more enjoyable to you. But you may find that is always your go-to and you are always pedaling on the same spot because you are not taking the bigger leaps. If that is the case, then you need to go with what feels scariest.
Be bold and take that step that you have been avoiding because it is way outside of your comfort zone. The only way to bring something new to you is to do something new. You cannot make changes by doing the same thing you always did. You have to do something different.
So, if you have been finding yourself holding yourself back. If you have not been your best self lately. If you are working toward something that does create excitement for you yet you are constantly procrastinating from it. It is time for you to have a real conversation with yourself.
What do you want? Why do you want it? Do these reasons bring you a lot of excitement and ambition or do they weigh you down? If you are feeling weighed down then perhaps it is time to reassess the situation and see where you are and if you are actually heading in the right direction. See what kind of change-ups you can make this week. Remember that self-sabotage is something we all deal with. Whether we are conscious of it or not. If you are not following through with what you say is important to you then it is time to check in with yourself.
The only person that can solve this problem is you, so, what steps forward are you going to take this week?