As I write this article it is Valentine’s Day, so I thought what better topic to speak on than relationships. All of your relationships in your life are in some way a reflection of your relationship with yourself. If you are wanting to know how well your relationship with yourself is, take note of what is going on with all of your other relationships in your life. You will allow people treat you to the same point you treat yourself. It is like Don Miguel Ruiz says in the book The Four Agreements, people will only tolerate the level of poor treatment that they treat themselves, as soon as it goes below that, that is when they will step in and put a stop to it.
What I notice is that there seems to be a lot of people that have quite a disconnected relationship with themselves. We are raised in this paradigm that finding your life partner is all important and it is why people do a lot of the things they do in their life, in hopes to find that special someone. Yet there is very little emphasis on the importance of developing a strong relationship with yourself.
Your relationship with yourself is the only one that is going to last a lifetime. During Covid and lockdown and so much downtime for people over the last 12 months. I would imagine it has highlighted to a lot of people that stillness can be quite loud when we haven’t allowed ourselves the time to be alone with ourselves in a long time.
I was reflecting this morning on my work and the main goals behind it, at some point it occurred to me, behind everything I work with people on, behind all of the different topics, it all comes back to one root thing. How is your relationship with yourself and then how is that reflecting and impacting your daily life?
So perhaps you have recognised that your relationship with you isn’t at its optimal state, what does that mean for you? Where do you even go from there? Most people seem to fear getting to know themselves better, taking the time out of their life to just sit with themselves and ask, who am I without the input of those around me?
Building a better relationship with yourself is not going to happen overnight, like any healthy relationship, it takes conscious effort over time. It is about getting to know yourself and about learning how to create comfort with every aspect about yourself. I think sometimes the term self-love can be misconceived that unless you adore every part of yourself you are not doing things right. I do not believe you have to love everything; I do believe though you would benefit from finding acceptance and comfort with all the different parts of yourself.
It is the same as partners and friends in your life, I bet you do not love every single aspect of the important people in your life. However, you have found a way to look past the things that can annoy you and you love and appreciate them despite their flaws. Do you grant yourself the same courtesy?
When was the last time you spent some time alone and enjoyed your own company? Actually enjoyed it, without beating yourself up over something you have said or done? When was the last time you have treated yourself the same as you treat a close friend? Do you put as high a priority on developing a good relationship with yourself as you do on finding love in your life?
What is one thing you can start to incorporate in your life this week to start building a better relationship with yourself?