Do you know how shame shows up in your life? Shame can be completely debilitating and is something we all experience. Shame is when you feel like you are wrong, you are a bad person, you are not enough just as you are. Shame is, I am bad, whereas guilt is, I did something bad. There is a key difference there as those that are more shame orientated versus those that are more guilt orientated, have key difference in how it impacts peoples lives.
When shame is mixed with things like secrecy, silence and judgment, it grows exponentially. What shame cannot handle is empathy. Shame makes people closed off because I feel very isolated, their internal chatter is telling them they do not deserve the kindness from others. Shame can become very ingrained., I have been studying hypnotherapy the last 6 months and the wasy people carry shame with them is fascinating.
Feeling shame can show up in many forms. Some people feel so ashamed for who they are that they feel they do not deserve to treat themselves well, they do not deserve happy, healthy relationships. It really starts to plague people’s lives. It can also result a lot into self-sabotage. If you think you are a bad person deep down yet on a more conscious level, you want to try and make improvements in your life. You will often find yourself not being able to stick to any plan you have, even sometimes doing worse off than when you first started because on a deep subconscious level you do not feel you deserve to be happy in your life.
Shame is often an intensely painful belief that we really are unloveable or wrong as a person.
People can often put shame onto other people. They are projecting how they think their world should be from their perspective onto others lives when we are all living from completely different blueprints. When you do not allow someone the freedom to be themselves and you tell them they are wrong and cannot be accepted unless they follow how you think things should be. You are placing a lot of shame onto someone for simply thinking different to what you do.
The key to pulling yourself out of shame spiral is to reach out and speak about it. Voice what is going on. Shame can often be dissipated when it is spoken aloud because it takes away the isolation of it. Find a trusted source you can talk to. When you feel like you can see someone in shame spiral address it with them. Show them empathy. Shame cannot survive empathy. It is important to remember that showing empathy comes from showing someone, me too. Show them how they are feeling is very normal and you have been there too. Hold space for the person to tell you why they find this so painful.
People can be quick to dismiss other people’s experiences. But when you do that to someone you only make their feelings exacerbate. Give people the room to express what is going on for them and help them find solutions to resolve it. The people in the most amount of shame are usually the ones that are the most hurtful to others. People who are happy with themselves do not have a need to put others down.
In what areas of your life do you experience shame? Is it around your parenting skills? Talk to someone openly about how you feel. Is it around your choices with your health? Find someone who will allow you the space to talk it out. Pretty much any other area of life? I can guarantee you, how you feel, someone else, somewhere, has felt the exact same. You are not alone in these feelings and there are resources out there to help you move past it. Everyone deserves to feel like they are a good person, like they are doing okay in one way or another. Try and allow people the room to talk about what they are experiencing from their perspective. You do not need to understand what they are going through every time, you just need to understand that they are having a human experience and that is enough to deserve kindness from others.
What is one thing you can do this week to shoft out of shame for yourself this week? What is one thing you can do to help someone in your life overcome shame in an area of there life?