Sometimes we can stop ourselves from following through with a goal that is important to us, simply because it will make someone else feel like they have won. It is interesting the dynamic we play with people and how much we can allow them to affect us. Perhaps you find yourself having an inner conflict a lot because you really do want to start moving towards something, but someone in your life has nagged you so many times about that same thing that if you do it, they then think you are finally listening to them. This type of ambiguity of being stuck on a fence like this can become quite frustrating and exhausting.
When this comes up in my work, my aim is to strip it back to bring the focus back to what the client really wants and what is most important to them. If going out and achieving that thing actually is really important and the only reason they are stopping themselves is because of someone else’s opinion, then it is time to break it down a little more.
My question to them will be, how can you get yourself to the position where it no longer matters what people say to you? You no longer allow their words or opinion impact you and your plans for yourself? This may seem really difficult to be able to close your mind off to allowing someone’s opinions to impact you but I assure you it is not impossible.
That person in your life who is always putting the pressure on you to be making changes and is stopping you from making those changes because of that pressure is probably going to continue their behaviour no matter what you do. If it is a pattern they have developed, then it is becoming a part of their personality. Therefore, if they are going to continue to do the same thing every day, are you really willing to always be putting off your goals just to spite them over the long term?
Getting to the point where you can continue to work towards your goals despite feeling like it is giving someone else satisfaction is doing it to benefit you, not to benefit them. This s the shift I try and get people to make. Your focus needs to be on what works for you. What is important to you and what do you want. Avoiding conflict with that person and in some ways giving them what they want, is also about making your life easier.
Think about it, for you always feeling bitter, annoyed, and upset is harmful to you, not to them. When you hold resentment to someone you are essentially drinking your own poison in hopes that they will feel the effects. It gets you nowhere except creating a lot of tension within you, that you then have to deal with the consequences of. So, how can you find yourself n a place where you can start to let go of some of that frustration?
Moving towards the goals that you want is important for you and the focus should remain on you. Other people are always going to have their opinions. There is likely always going to be one person or another you could use as an excuse as to why you do not want to follow through with something, The truth is, if it is important enough to you and you have made the commitment to get it done, then you will find a way to get it done.
Allowing someone to hold you back is just another way to procrastinate on something that maybe you do not entirely want. So, how can you make your goals more meaningful for yourself so you become so committed that you allow nothing to get in the way longer then it has to? How can you always bring the focus back to you?