Personal growth is not always an attractive process, it is not linear and it is not suddenly all done. It is a journey and it really can feel ugly sometimes. One day you might feel totally high on life and the next you might be crying on the floor too scared to face your next challenge.
People you follow on the internet in this space can make it look like it is going to be all smiles and simple mindset shifts and all is well. In reality, sometimes you are so entrenched in your old self and what is holding you back that learning to let go of that feels absolutely impossible.
It is also generally something that you are progressing on for many years, as once you learn how to grow and better yourself, you will keep building on that desire to strive to be the best version of yourself. Growing as a person is a lifelong process. That does not mean you always have to be viewing yourself as there is always more work that needs to be done and you will never be completely there. As you evolve, as life evolves, so does the way you approach and perceive things.
Sometimes we can get so caught up in this ideal of being such a well put together person that we do not even realise the progress we have made. I will have conversations with people who completely dismiss any healing they have made because they feel like they are still struggling. The progress you make is not mute just because you do not feel like you are entirely there yet.
If you look back at yourself when you first started, when you hit that rock bottom moment and said enough was enough and things needed to change. I can almost guarantee that where you are right now has parts of exactly where you had hope you would end up. It only does not feel that way because as you grow so can your expectations for yourself.
Just because your story may still have dark moments, because sometimes you still fall apart, does not mean that you are failing at improving yourself. It is a part of the process, it is a part of life. Life is always going to have ups and downs and just because you are heading down the road of personal development does not mean that you will never have a down moment again or that you won’t occasionally fall in a heap.
These are all things that come with the rollercoaster of human emotions. Our emotions are supposed to be varied and have a whole range of different types. We all love to happily hang out with joy, gratitude and happiness, but we are so quick to shut out any association with anger, sadness or fear. You will never be rid of these emotions. What allows them to have less impact on you is you accepting them and embracing them when they come knocking on your door.
Personal development is not always going to look and feel like the positivity you are led to think it should. It is all things and helping yourself through those different stages is a part of you taking care of yourself. What is one thing you can let go of this week that you feel like you have not been doing well enough in? Where you can realise that you are doing the best that you can in this moment?